I love reflecting, this course is very different to anything I've wanted to study before, it connects right to the heart of my being. I have met some of the nicest most caring people since going on this path, but It has taking me along time many many years to finally do this. I was reading another post about going on an Alpha course and for me this is how it started,on this journey although this was about 2010.
Can I just say before I continue the picture and words on session two Isaiah is amazing it fills me with joy. I have ordered book on Amazon today, so I haven't actually read the chapter yet.
My Alpha course was great and mostly my first introduction to Christian people, and like Chris mentioned last week about how the vicars wife had something incredible about her I to was witnessing a similar thing, joy, grace, happiness... A calming different way of being. These people who where so humble and unique reminding me greatly of my auntie who has been a Christian since a young age. They where very alike! It is this special way of being I admire. God energy I call it. Now I am quite shy, have hearing dyslexia, ( self diagnosis) no confidence, and suffer with social anxiety. However my gut instinct is to be a vicar, I have a pulling desire no matter how much I go off the path I get sucked back on. I feel thirsty to learn more and more and a deep almost craving to wear a collar. Is this classed as a calling or a vocation?. How on earth am I going to stand up there relating the bible and every day life with social anxiety. I don't like speaking out but I have this pull. It would be an easy answer to be a reader, I am quite comfortable with reading from the bible out loud it is when I have to speak on the spot I'm not very good. But I don't feel joy from being a reader, I feel joy from thinking of being a vicar. It actually fills my heart with excitement. I know God will sort my problems with anxiety if I'm meant to be a vicar. I do feel different when I don't attend church, I get a real zest for life after a church service. It's like a closer connection to God. My problem I find is discipline. I tend to enjoy visiting a couple of different churches, instead of the same one. I have made my own little area now under the stairs lol where I go to pray, study etc. It's good to have that private ' god' space I need now, specially with having a family.
Thanks, we can all link up bounty bar with you now 😃
This is very personal Alicia, thank you for being so open. I would just suggest that the calling to be a Reader (fundamentally a lay member of the church who is trained and authorised to do stuff) is very different from being ordained, which I7 feel has already come across to you in how you are reacting to the idea of each.
Hi Alicia,
I also like to visit different churches, and denominations. I feel we have a lot to learn from each other, and if we could concentrate on what we have in common, rather than our differences, we might get a lot further. I feel the same about other faiths too. Thank you for sharing your desire to be ordained. If we are called to be , who we are, where we are, then surely the difficulties you describe need not be barriers but shape and individualise your vocation and ministry. God wants you to be you, not someone else. Does that make sense?
Amanda.
Hi Alicia, thanks for sharing your reflections - very inspiring to read about your calling to become a vicar, to answer your question about calling / vocation I think you are describing a calling from God to your vocation which is to become a vicar but that's my humble view. I love that you have a space under the stairs for prayers and study - we all need our space to